Before & After

I’ve gotten feedback from several of you that you find it helpful when I post examples of not-so-perfect writing with a (hopefully improved) edit. Accordingly, I decided to take that approach in this first post of 2008 (which hopefully marks the beginning of more regular posts here).

I pulled this text from the ‘Guide to Best Practice for the Installation of Pipe Jacks and Microtunnels’ (Pipe Jacking Association, 1995) – a book that is really nicely designed in a way that supports the technical material. This book was published in Britain, hence the British spellings.

BEFORE

It is recommended that this section is studied carefully and used to select the best excavation and face support method for the ground conditions applicable to any scheme.

There are many types and manufacturers of pipe jacking shields and TBMs, and each type will have its own design and performance characteristics. After selection of an excavation system the designer/installer should contact the equipment manufacturer to obtain precise information specific to the chosen equipment, to ascertain the suitability of its operational capacity to handle the ground conditions.

Summarised here is a guide to some of the criteria to look for in assessing the suitability of the equipment for good installation.

DISCUSSION

Paragraph 1
The passive construction makes the first sentence unwieldy. For instructional materials, the imperative is often a good choice. (Do this. Don’t do that.) Second, the phrase “applicable to any scheme” is unnecessary and vague. The sentence could end after “select the best excavation and face support method for the ground conditions.” Introducing the idea of a “scheme” reduces the impact of the sentence.

Paragraph 2
Again, we want to change the passive voice. Then, consider the last statement. Should the user not already have ascertained the suitability of the equipment’s operational capacity for the given ground conditions? Hasn’t the author just stated above that this is a purpose of this section of text? It’s best to combine the two similar ideas and place them in an order that matches the order in which the actions should be taken.

Paragraph 3
This paragraph isn’t necessary once actions are placed in the proper order and placed together.

AFTER

Study this section carefully. These guidelines will help you select the best excavation and face support methods for the ground conditions you expect to encounter, and assess the suitability of various types of equipment.

There are many types of pipe jacking shields and TBMs, and each type has unique design and performance characteristics. After an excavation system is selected, the designer/installer should contact the equipment manufacturer to obtain precise information about the equipment performance.

NOTE

If you are not comfortable using the imperative or the pronoun “you” in your writing, you can still write in the active voice, but you will not give directives. For example, your first sentences might be: “The best excavation and face support methods are the methods best suited to the ground conditions. The guidelines in this section summarize criteria for selecting excavation and face support methods appropriate to the anticipated conditions.”

Filed under: Uncategorized, Writing, Writing in Engineering

Using Terminology and Jargon Effectively

In our industry, it’s inevitable that we will use some terminology and jargon. As authors, you are addressing people who generally understand many of the technical concepts that you are writing about. It makes sense to use standard terminology.

However, it’s very important to take a few simple steps to ensure that your use of terminology and jargon is effective.

1. Define your terms. If you’re using a term in a limited or unusual way, or if you aren’t certain that all of your audience will know exactly what the term means, offer a short definition within the text the first time the term appears.

2. Use the exact same term each time you use it or, if you shorten the term, be certain that the shortened term is very like the full term. For example, if you refer to a laser survey device, you could shorten it to laser device or laser survey, but you should not also refer to it as a laser guidance system.

3. Don’t use terms that mean different things interchangeably. We often make this mistake when dealing with a broad category and a more discrete category. For example, if you are writing about both a two-pass bolted and gasketed lining and a two-pass expandable segment lining, you will need to distinguish between the type of lining each time you mention the lining, as two-pass alone is not specific enough.

Filed under: Word Choice, Writing in Engineering

Redundancies with Acronyms

When using acronyms, avoid redundancies such as these:

The TBM machine encountered an obstruction.

The ATM machine was out of cash.

In both of these cases, the acronym includes the word machine; to include it again is redundant.

Filed under: Acronyms, Writing in Engineering