Before & After

I’ve gotten feedback from several of you that you find it helpful when I post examples of not-so-perfect writing with a (hopefully improved) edit. Accordingly, I decided to take that approach in this first post of 2008 (which hopefully marks the beginning of more regular posts here).

I pulled this text from the ‘Guide to Best Practice for the Installation of Pipe Jacks and Microtunnels’ (Pipe Jacking Association, 1995) – a book that is really nicely designed in a way that supports the technical material. This book was published in Britain, hence the British spellings.

BEFORE

It is recommended that this section is studied carefully and used to select the best excavation and face support method for the ground conditions applicable to any scheme.

There are many types and manufacturers of pipe jacking shields and TBMs, and each type will have its own design and performance characteristics. After selection of an excavation system the designer/installer should contact the equipment manufacturer to obtain precise information specific to the chosen equipment, to ascertain the suitability of its operational capacity to handle the ground conditions.

Summarised here is a guide to some of the criteria to look for in assessing the suitability of the equipment for good installation.

DISCUSSION

Paragraph 1
The passive construction makes the first sentence unwieldy. For instructional materials, the imperative is often a good choice. (Do this. Don’t do that.) Second, the phrase “applicable to any scheme” is unnecessary and vague. The sentence could end after “select the best excavation and face support method for the ground conditions.” Introducing the idea of a “scheme” reduces the impact of the sentence.

Paragraph 2
Again, we want to change the passive voice. Then, consider the last statement. Should the user not already have ascertained the suitability of the equipment’s operational capacity for the given ground conditions? Hasn’t the author just stated above that this is a purpose of this section of text? It’s best to combine the two similar ideas and place them in an order that matches the order in which the actions should be taken.

Paragraph 3
This paragraph isn’t necessary once actions are placed in the proper order and placed together.

AFTER

Study this section carefully. These guidelines will help you select the best excavation and face support methods for the ground conditions you expect to encounter, and assess the suitability of various types of equipment.

There are many types of pipe jacking shields and TBMs, and each type has unique design and performance characteristics. After an excavation system is selected, the designer/installer should contact the equipment manufacturer to obtain precise information about the equipment performance.

NOTE

If you are not comfortable using the imperative or the pronoun “you” in your writing, you can still write in the active voice, but you will not give directives. For example, your first sentences might be: “The best excavation and face support methods are the methods best suited to the ground conditions. The guidelines in this section summarize criteria for selecting excavation and face support methods appropriate to the anticipated conditions.”

Filed under: Uncategorized, Writing, Writing in Engineering

Challenge, Day 2

Thanks to Grace for a solid rewrite … anyone else want to give it a try?

Filed under: Uncategorized

A New Look! New Features!

Hopefully you noticed the new look of the writing tips blog. The new design emphasizes the tools that I’m trying to consolidate in one place for your use.

In the first column are the most recent posts. In the second column are categories that I’ve applied to all the posts on the site. Now, you can look under the “categories” link and find posts that answer your writing questions. Of course, if you have a question that isn’t addressed here, email it to me and I will gladly respond and post. 

The third column contains links to sites that I believe you’ll find useful. Please send me suggestions if you have links you would like to share.

The last column is an archive and some other miscellaneous stuff that WordPress sticks up that I have no control over!

Filed under: Uncategorized

The Part Where We Talk to Each Other

The following sentence has problems. I think we could all identify the main one: the phrase “with consideration of” doesn’t mean anything, and thus the sentence is meaningless.

Seismic coefficient analyses were performed with consideration of site response effect and Newmark’s slide-block analysis rather than adopting 1/3 of PGA.

But what we really want to know is how can we avoid writing sentences like this. So … please share your practical suggestions using the “comment” feature below.

Some possible questions to start you off:

• How do you check your own writing?
• When you are writing, how can you remind yourself to do all of the things we discussed in the writing workshop, like clarify your purpose, organize appropriately, and chain your sentences together?
• Is anyone using their writing checklist from the workshop? Is it helpful?
• What do you think is your next step in becoming a better writer?

According to my blog stats, there are a good number of you who read this frequently or every day. Don’t be shy! Interact!

Filed under: Uncategorized

Consistency

We seem to have a love/hate relationship with consistency. We know it’s important, and we generally try to be consistent, but then we start to feel like we’re being boring and predictable, so we try to “mix it up.” The result is usually not good.

The Bottom Line

Be consistent – with headings, technical terms, organizational structure, etc.

Discussion

One of the first ways we try to add variety is usually by changing how we refer to (name) something. This week, I edited a report that used about eight variations of wording to describe three things: a tunnel final lining, shaft, and pipeline. “Well, it means the same thing,” you may think, “Anyone in the field will know what I mean.” And most likely, they will. But would it have been easier, and quicker, for them to understand if you had used a consistent term? Probably. And will consistency in terms ensure that anyone else who happens to pick up your document can at least follow your text? Yes. You can never fully anticipate the range of technical expertise, attention, and linguistic competence that your audience will have. Make it easier for them. 

Filed under: Uncategorized, Writing

Questions, anyone?

Do you have a writing or grammar question? Concern? Comment? Pet peeve?

 Share! You can comment to this post or email me.

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Word Nerd

The phrase “hunky dory” may be derived from:

“Huncho-dori was a major street in Yokohama that was frequented by American sailors on leave during W.W.I.  To be in Huncho-dori was to be enjoying leisure activities, and having a good time.” – Chuck Moreland

Filed under: Uncategorized, Word Origins